Mental ilness

I've struggled with mental illness on and off since I was a teenager.

Of course I could blame it on genetics, having a history of mental illness in the family.

I could blame it on things that happened in my childhood.

I could blame it on my environment growing up.

I could blame it on the media and the way it targets the emotionally vulnerable for profit.

I could blame it on myself for being so naive and ignorant. 

I could blame myself for giving in to temptation, or for wilfully rebelling against what I know is right.

But I won't pass blame onto anyone or anything.

I can't change the past and I wouldn't want to; I am who I am today because of everything I've been through.

My brother Jared struggled with bipolar disorder and other serious mental health challenges some years ago. I was speaking to him about it the other day and he said something that hit me hard. He said that when he was being diagnosed with this and that, and being told he had different conditions etc he realised something- "Only I could decide who or what I wanted to be." I think the real root cause of mental illness is when we forget who we are, and we don't know who we want to become. When we forget who we are, we lose our true sense of identity and seek to find it in other ways - this is often when addictions begin to form.

There are things everyone can do to boost their health. Of course it comes back to living the word of wisdom to the best of our knowledge and ability. Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, don't partake of anything that is harmful to your body. As hard as it is, I know that eating badly is one thing that seriously impedes on my mental health, but it is something that I just find so hard to give up. Eating unhealthily is for me, I feel, my only outlet. But I don't need to cut everything out, I just need to try and find healthier substitutes. It's difficult when everything that is healthier is ten times more expensive. Of course, exercise is another thing that will really help. I walk every day, but I need to try and get my heart rate up by going for a run or a swim and making more consistent efforts throughout the week.

I know that doing things I love will help. Music, singing, composing, writing prose and poetry, spending time painting or doing other forms of artwork, spending time with family etc. And of course the most important daily things: reading the scriptures, praying, fasting etc. I think I can be more diligent with my personal prayers and open up more to heavenly father and really let out everything I'm thinking and feeling. I also know that I need to fast more often and that will help too.

I don't know if this is something I can ever overcome, but I trust that if I am faithful and striving to do all that I can, the Lord can help my weaknesses to become strengths. I know He can purify me and refine me, so that I can be a vessel through which others are able to partake of His love. I know that the Saviour Jesus Christ lives. He lives, He loves me beyond what I can imagine, and He loves all of His children equally and unconditionally.

I hope, one day, i will be able to have the firmness of mind that allows me to feast upon the love of God forever.

Jacob 3: 1-2

Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions... lift up your heads and...feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever.